Sunday, November 05, 2006

The aviation world (3rd world)

Ok guys, some time ago I have promised few words on the aviation world... unfortunately, there won't be just few words... so here I am, motivated by the latest E.U. rule on liquids allowed onboard in the hand luggage...

In the past century humanity has experienced an unprecedented development, both of civilization and technology... everything improved, everthing became better, bigger, faster, nicer, more comfortable... everything, except aviation, in general as a passenger, and in particular as coach class passenger (also known as economy, or cattle class, or cargo with chairs...)

What do I mean?

First of all flying has become a complete and utter chaos... different airlines have different rules on size and weight of luggages allowed, especially the hand luggage... some have 5kg, some 7kg, some 10kg, some 5 but on North American routes 8kg, some have no limitations, like Easyjet... it all adds up to confusion, you have to have a manual at home to check for which airline what you are allowed...with Ryanair, the most stupid experience... allowance, back then, 15kg for check in luggage and 10kg for carry-on... I go to check in, I have 17,5kg for check in and NO hand luggage... the lady, very kindly (NOT!), says I have to remove 2,5kg and keep it as carry-on... I argue by saying it's true the check in can only be 15kg, but total I'm allowed on board is 25kg, and by not having any carry-on I will seat down immediately without delaying other passengers and without delaying the flight... NO, either you remove the 2,5kg and bring them as hand luggage either you pay for them, now if you need to decide what to do, please move aside and let the others check in... f**k you, b**ch...no, seriously, f**k you...really...


Furthermore, some serve meals, some only snacks, some nothing, some serve alcohol, some everything else... the most stupid experience with Emirates... I am a frequent flyer, and I have in my personal preferencies, a request for Oriental meal... since I normally sleep while flying, half of the times I flew Emirates I missed out on my requested meal, because those smart flight attendants come around, check the seat number, they see me, next to me there is MOST likely an Asian person (mainly Indian or Chinese) due to the destinations I fly to, so they assume they made a mistake with the seat number and they give MY food to them... no, seriously, what is your problem? Can't a white guy ask for Oriental meals?? Is it so hard to believe?? Is it too hard to do your job properly? And what the hell are you looking at anyway?

On LTU you have to buy your own headsets in order to be able to listen to the lousy flight entertainment system, on Lufthansa the entertainment is the worst thing ever experienced in human history!! I speak for direct experience, unfortunately... Munich-Shanghai
, Airbus A340-600, brand new plane... no individual screen (to save some cash, cheap ass), only 20cm x 20cm screens in the middle section every 8 rows... I was at the 7th from the screen allocated, at the window... I could see nothing, for 13hrs flight... a pure nightmare... I think Emirates and Singapore Airlines spoiled me with personal screens and tons of choices on their newer aircraft... even United and Thai aren't bad from this point of view...

Then came the "attempted" terrorist attacks in London few months ago, and as results you would have no possibility to bring water or any liquids on board with you, or even no laptop... but for other continental flights, you could... for US&A destinations, you coudln't... for Asia, you could... in Beijing you can carry water, but you have to open the bottle so the police can SMELL (!!) and check it's truly water... in Shanghai, same country by the way, not necessary...

I'm already confused... and it's just the beginning!!

What about mobile phones? You can use them till the boarding, some other times till they close the doors, some others I don't know if people ever switch them off... it just happened on my way back from Barcelona 2 weeks ago, on short final someone received an SMS, with a loud unmistakable Nokia sound... I wonder if that SMS was from the pilot saying: "I told you to switch off the mobile, you f***ing moron!"

In Europe we can fly without the need of ID card or passport... no more borders... except UK... except you need an ID with picture when checking in... when boarding... so what's the f***ing point? Latest experience... I flew last sunday from Dusseldorf to Budapest... Germanwings flight... so I go to the check in, obviously they asked me for an ID to confirm it's truly me... then pass security control, go to the gate... BEFORE the gate, a Germanwings ground stewardess checked my boarding card and my ID, to make sure it's still me and I'm still on the list... 5 meters further, passport control... schone guten tag officer, believe it or not, it's still me, no kidding... since 5 meters ago, nothing has changed with me... behind passport control, the waiting room at the gate, an isolated room, the only way out is through passport control opposite direction and through the stewardess... here comes another stewardess, opens the doors, we are ready to board... ladies and gentlemen, be ready with boarding card and passport... what the f**k, do you think I had an home made sex change while waiting in front of the gate after the border control or you think all the passenger swapped their passports just to drive you nuts?? In any case, it's still us, checked 4 times now in 30 min, in aseptic rooms where there is no way out and no contact with others except for the fellow passengers of that flight... can anyone give me a break???? It's still me!!
To make things "funnier" (to use an euphemism), other Germanwings passengers have this recycable plastified boarding pass, where there is no chance to check if the name on the passport coincides with the anonimous boarding card... so why 2 different standards?? Even from the same airline...

Ok, this is all... no way, I was kidding you, it was just a wishful thought!! It's not all... Security check... I tend to use always the same shoes and belt when I go flying... In Brussels airport they have an issue with my shoes, in Dusseldorf I have to remove my belt, in Cologne nothing rings... In Dusseldorf I have to take my laptop out, in other airports not.... in Cologne they x-ray my luggage on my way OUT, after collecting it from the belt, in America they x-ray it at departure and in transit... In Jakarta, there are 2 different lines for checks, one for men, one for women... in Copenhagen, a woman checked and searched me... remove everything from your pockets, no, keep your ticket, no, keep your passport... in Brussels a hand luggage check at the gate before boarding for US&A... in front of everyone, so if I happened to have personal items, who cares??
Latest experience... flight Copenhagen-Amsterdam... AFTER landing in Amsterdam, they take us by bus and they tell us we have to go through a security check... after landing? We already went through it BEFORE the flight, obviously... do you think they sold us WMD at the Copenhagen duty free to carry on checks after landing from another E.U. country? So here we are with only 1 check point for 100 people, no priority for connecting passengers, no priority for impaired passengers, no priority for family with kids... a total mess, unbelievable for a country who always thinks it's better thean the others... well, guess what... y
ou are not! Adding stupidity to stupidity, in Amsterdam airport they are also IMPOLITE... standard announcement for late passengers on the loudspeaker: "mr so&so, you are delaying the flight... proceed immeditely to the gate or we will proceed to offload your luggage..." funny, very funny... you know where mr. so&so might be? I tell you where: STUCK in one of your NON-SENSE-upon-arrival-check-points with no f***ing priority for no one!! Talk to the airport manager... and leave the passengers alone, or at least be polite... very difficult in Holland, I guess it's not on the dictionary... Is it that I pay A LOT of security TAX on my ticket, so they check me more often? Is this their idea of good value for money???

Check in times... 1hr prior departure check in closes, for some 45 min, for others 30 min, for others you need 2hrs on international flights, 1hr on national flights... 20kg allowance, 30kg on North American routes, some airlines reduced to 20kg even there taking Marco by surprise last year... on Ryanair, it's 15kg and you HAVE to pay for each piece of luggage you check in...

Airmiles... with Germanwings you pay to have the right to collect them, with Singapore Airline, for as much as it is a wonderful airline to fly with, they chronically forget to give me my bloody airmiles (probably the service that sucks the most in the whole of Singapore)... some you can have airmiles only on flights between 2 specific countries, some with all flights, some they keep sending me mails in German...

You book a Lufthansa flight from the German website, it costs 20% of the price for the same flight on the Dutch website... both official websites... mail me, I will provide you with a German address... in India you have prices for Indians and prices for foreigners, normally costing double... for me a good reason to stay away from such a place, already... with immediate effect, European companies will enjoy direct routings, Indian companies not... same policy, sorry...

And what can you tell me about seat allocation? Low cost companies normally don't allocate, creating a mess at the gate, where they board the 1st 30 passengers who checked in, and punctually you have passengers, MAINLY middle aged women, who always pretend they didn't hear it and try to board with number 92... Air Berlin allocates seats, I'm so grateful I don't have to be walked over by over-excited people trying to get on board before everyone else! Can I have a window seat please?

Code share... is it legal anyway? How come I book a flight on airline XYZ website and I end up flying a totally different airline I didn't want to fly in first place?

So many things are so confusing, what about e-ticket and paper ticket? When it's only an email confirming your booking, and when is an e-ticket? I had an e-ticket saying I had to pick up a paper ticket at the counter before flight, no kidding!!! And what about if you book online for some airlines the credit card holder has to be a travelling party, whereas for others not? What about airport tax and credit card fees are ALWAYS different for each flight although I often fly the same airlines between the same airports?? Are they just making it up to blame someone else and PRETEND their prices are low??

Flying time... Ryanair flying time... book a flight from Charleroi to Bergamo... approximately 55-60min flying time... on their time table about 90 to 100min... so they leave late, normally about 10-20min if not more, and they eventually land few minutes before scheduled time, the over-inflated one... so the flight crew always says: "welcome to Bergamo, where we landed 10min earlier.." no, you didn't... you left late and you mislead your passengers with fake flying times... I seriously can't stand it...

Leg room... please! Don't get me started on how many airlines, including LTU and Cathay Pacific have a reduced leg room to fit more seats... terrible... EVA Air B747 Combi has the widest coach class seats I have ever experienced, with kilometers of leg room!! Try it to believe it...

Now, back to the new SMART E.U. rule on liquids... why I can't take a bottle on board?? Especially I would like to bring a bottle of champagne to my father when I go to visit him for Xmas, but according to this stupid rule, I can only bring max 100ml tubes for a max total of 1 liter... but, duty free can still sell all its alcohol bottles and whatever else, liquid and not... so has anyone some interest in increasing the businness of the duty free??? It seems like...


Now, if ALL I wrote above didn't convince you that flying is a jungle, what about the queuing? Queuing at check in, queuing at security check, queuing at the passport control, queuing at the gate, bus to the plane stuffed as a meat roll, queuing when boarding waiting for people to sit down after dealing with their hand luggage, inhuman leg room, queuing when getting off the plane, again bus totally packed to take you to the terminal, queuing at the passport control, wait for the luggage to be delivered... it sucks... it is... UN-so-f***ing-civilized....

So can anyone tell me if I fly from Milan to Amsterdam to NY with Ryanair and NorthWest, how much luggage can I bring, what kind of meals I will get, what kind of queues I will have to endeavor, how many times I will have to be triple-checked, if I can bring my laptop or not, water or not, food or not, how much will it cost me if I book from Italy and how much will it cost me if I book from Holland? Will I get my requested food, will I get food at all? What time shall I check in? How much will I need to run to make the gate on time after for so many times I was stuck in airport-artificially-induced queuing?Forget it...

And then, they complain about air rage...




3 Comments:

Blogger Steven said...

Amen !!!

Now let's talk about pilots...

Friday, November 10, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup Raf agree ..... but even we have to swipe our cards FOUR times to get to the Ops Room at work ..... The lunatics have taken over the world not just the asylum .
Andy .

Friday, November 10, 2006  
Blogger Raf said...

Nice to see that there is some nice colleagues out there sharing the same view... and you both are right... it is getting crazier and crazier...

Friday, November 10, 2006  

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